Marriage works, but why?

There are lots of reasons marriage is a good thing. In fact, it is such a good thing that many people who do not qualify for marriage want it so much that they will go to extreme measures to be considered “married”.

Whether they like it or not, everyone must acknowledge that in all cultures, the historical foundation of marriage is one man and one woman for life. Cultures may attempt to redefine what they consider a marriage, but the histories of cultures that move away from heterosexual monogamous marriage tend to fail within a couple generations.

Here are just 5 of the benefits of heterosexual monogamous marriage followed by the one big reason why it works.

1. Heterosexual monogamous marriage creates an atmosphere of cooperation

Men and women are very different, physically different, intellectually different, and emotionally different. These differences do not make one gender more valuable than the other, but they do affect their ability to get along. Successful heterosexual marriage requires that both the man and woman learn to accept their mate’s strengths, adapt to each other’s weaknesses, and celebrate the ways they are different. This cooperation and collaboration creates an environment where feeling of community can spread to others. It’s a foundation for strong neighborhoods.

2. Heterosexual monogamous marriage creates healthy children

The human race will not continue without procreation. While many children are conceived outside the confines of monogamous marriage, research shows that children raised in households with monogamous heterosexual parents are more likely to succeed in the categories used to measure success: education, physical health, emotional stability, financial stability, etc.

3. Heterosexual monogamous marriage provides consistent role models

Having both a father and mother gives children of both sexes role models for their future. Boys and girls both benefit from having a father involved in their life, and they both also learn how to live from their mother. But the best role models they can see is the model of a good marriage, so they can prepare to relate to the opposite sex in their own marriages.

4. Heterosexual monogamous marriage provides a better financial future

Research consistently shows that families with male and female parents who are married continuously have better financial standing than non-married families. The correlation is attributed to various factors, from both parents working to its antithesis that one parent staying home makes the household more cost-efficient.

5. Heterosexual monogamous marriage opens more doors

Studies also show children from two-parent homes have more opportunities to participate in extra activities because the cooperation of two parents allows more time to attend lessons, practices, and events.

Here’s the one reason heterosexual monogamous marriage works

To put it simply, it’s designed by God.

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 1:27-28*

God created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1) and after organizing it and establishing it to be inhabited (Isaiah 45:18) he made one man and one woman and told them to procreate and govern His creation. In the more detailed explanation of the human origin in chapter 2, God declares:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

This sets the pattern of heterosexual monogamous marriage, one man-one woman for life. Each new household should have this foundation, generation after generation. There are some aberrations like Lamech (Genesis 4:19), Jacob (Genesis 29:27-30), and of course Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3), but the recognized standard through the scriptures is one man, one woman for life. Malachi the prophet rebuked the Israelites because the forgot their covenant of marriage for life (Malachi 2:14).

Support for heterosexual monogamous marriage in the New Testament

In the New Testament, Jesus points the Jews back to the establishment of the one man-one woman for life marriage in Genesis.

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Matthew 19:4-6 See also Mark 10:2-10.

Paul explained to the Ephesians that heterosexual monogamous marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Some may erroneously say the Church consists of many people, so Jesus is a polygamist. But that heresy is put aside by Jesus’ prayer and Paul’s declaration that the members of the church are one body.

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.”

John 17:20-23

For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.

Romans 12:4-5

Qualifications for leadership based on heterosexual monogamous marriage

Paul felt so strongly about marriage being for one man and one woman that he listed it as one of the qualifications for church leadership.

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife… 1 Timothy 3:2
Let deacons be the husbands of one wife… 1 Timothy 3:12
…appoint elders in every city as I commanded you— if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife… Titus 1:5-6

Paul went so far as to make heterosexual monogamous marriage a qualification for a widow with no family to receive support from the church.

Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man… 1 Timothy 5:9

Many will claim that marriage between one man and one woman for life is a social construct; but the Bible, human history, basic human biology, and sociology all indicate otherwise. Heterosexual monogamous marriage is God’s plan and pattern for human society, and He uses it repeatedly as an expression of His love for His people.

“I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice,
In lovingkindness and mercy;
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
And you shall know the Lord.”

Hosea 2:19-20

I study the creation, fall and redemption of marriage in our first book, Families from the Beginning: Your Family, God’s Design. It is available in paperback or Kindle on Amazon.
Follow this link to see a preview:  Families from the Beginning sample.

By His calling, in His strength,

Dean

*All Scripture quotations in this article are from the New King James Version (NKJV).

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